@Cheeseboy22: I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
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@neiltyson: I wonder what Cannibals & Aztecs would say, watching civilized people eat symbolic hearts of loved ones on Valentine’s Day.
@EJGomez: [sees a baby spit up after drinking from baby bottle] "lmao yo who invited the lightweight"
@GrantTanaka: showed up to a party wearing the same shirt as someone else, how did we both fit in one shirt
@WilliamAder: I knew joining a gym was a bad idea when I got there and needed help pulling the door open.