@Cheeseboy22: I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
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@shanethevein: If you go into a bar by yourself and ask for a water the bartender looks at you like you have leprosy.
@PinkCamoTO: I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
@iGreenMonk: I got a dog and named it "Twenty Miles". This way I can tell people that I walk twenty miles everyday.
@fuzzlime: sometimes when I finish eating a bag of microwave popcorn I try to eat a couple unpopped kernels just to convince myself it's really over