@Dutch_50: I always say no to drugs. But, if they ever start deep frying them, I'm in big trouble.
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@AmericanGent69: Online dating rule: If we meet up offline, and you look nothing like your pictures, then you're buying me drinks until you do.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why is there a broom in the driveway? me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car
@trumpetcake: I melted down all my various rewards cards into a universal "Rewards Dagger" that gets me a discount everywhere.