@abbycohenwl: i always see couples holding hands but how do you become part of a couple? do you just leave your hand out and if someone holds it, you’re a couple
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@flashember: [after robots take over] *drones crash into my kitchen* ME: [mouthful of ham] whobithrayed me? *fridge starts laughing* BUT U WERE MY FABRIT
@buhsbaby_baby: You know what I'd like for Christmas, mom? I'd like you to stop treating me like a child. Also I'd like some money and some new socks.
@sixfootcandy: People need to learn the difference between heroin and heroine. One is exceedingly more difficult to fit into a syringe.