@abbycohenwl: i always see couples holding hands but how do you become part of a couple? do you just leave your hand out and if someone holds it, you’re a couple
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@david8hughes: So my dog's pregnant & she's never been in contact with another dog & I'm having a lot of accusations thrown my way.
@darrinfb: To the 11 year old girl on FB with the relationship status "it's complicated" How can it be complicated? Did he take your animal crackers?
@internetluke: "No, no. No! NO!" - guy who invented black ski masks after people started using them for robbing
@Vodkantots: I bet if that Malaysian plane had stolen tweets, some of you guys would've found it already.