@AdamTheLobster: I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time.
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@funnyordie: BRAZIL: Can you describe your attacker? RYAN LOCHTE: You wouldn't know him. He goes to another Olympics. #LochteGate
@phaggots: Bae: come over Me: can we ever have normal conversations Bae: my parents aren't home Me: why can't you just ask how good my day was for once
@megfraser: HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished
@noog: After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.