@kelkulus: I always sleep naked. I don't care if it makes people uncomfortable, they can just switch buses.
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@rpbateman: Sometimes I tell myself that everything that I've been through in life is totally worth it. Then I laugh hysterically.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: I'm not going to drink in 2017 *in hospital 3 days later* Doctor: You have to drink water you idiot
@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent who's had me under surveillance for weeks decides to blow his cover] do you ever stop eating?
@BradBroaddus: I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad.