@QwertyJones3: I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
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@aka_fatman: "My wife and I are SO in love. Always finishing each other's..." (silence) (silence) *Russian accent* "You give me Green Card now, yes?"
@jonnysun: JESUS: hey check this oute [turns my water into wine] ME: woa!! thanks jesus JESUS: [grabs wine out of my hands] NO!! THIS IS MY BLOOD NOW
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife never catches me scoping out the hot chick because she's too busy judging the hot chick.