@QwertyJones3: I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
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@iwearaonesie: [3 am] toddler *steps on my face trying to sneak into the bed* me: You are the worst ninja ever
@TheDailySchmuck: I'm not racist. Some of my best friends are white such as Joey, Phoebe and Rachel. And I can't forget Chandler.
@TrueTorontoGirl: Dave: I don't want to sound stupid.... Me: Then stop right there and say nothing.
@Mr_Kapowski: My favorite thing about being a parent is lying to my kid Me: The doctor cuts off our tails when we're born 8 y/o daughter: Wife: ZACK!