@MichaelLarrick: I always try to put some condom wrappers in my garbage so the raccoons that go through my trash think I'm cool.
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@lawblob: Son, its time we had 'the talk.' [dad removes shirt, starts projector, chugs 4 beers] Ok! So Tower 1 steel beams could only have melted at-
@simoncholland: Like on Amazon or in our house? [My response when my wife asks me if I can find something for her]
@jjhartinger: I went to the Gym and the power went out. I whispered, "thank you baby jesus" and left.