@Whitnuts: I always try to tell myself that I don't actually hate people as much as I say I do...and then I go to the mall.
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@Jake_Vig: "You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet." - If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI.
@wittwitbarista: I just saw a woman push 5 little kids in a shopping cart out of Walmart. I didn't realize that you could get them in bulk now.
@SuperRandomish: [Morgan Freeman narrating my life] *extended period of silence* "What the hell am I supposed to do with this..."
@TravLeBlanc: Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason.