@Whitnuts: I always try to tell myself that I don't actually hate people as much as I say I do...and then I go to the mall.
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@OBiiieeee: "Dad why'd u name me this?" I named u after the greatest athlete to ever live "Oh ok" Now let's go, Air Bud, we're gonna be late for church
@Marlebean: Did you know stuffing your bra with toilet paper works pretty well... except when it rains.
@BuckyIsotope: *spends 30 minutes trying to unzip my pants to have sex for the first time* *girlfriend sighs* "Just take off the mittens" MY HANDS ARE COLD
@CoolBabyRat: *mugger walks up* GIMME EVERYTHING YOU GOT! *mugger slowly walks away with $2.16 and a lifetime of anxiety & existential misunderstanding*