@knot_eye: I always use a short cut when I'm going to knife fight a midget.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Brianhopecomedy: Well this is awkward. Apparently when my wife's friend invited me over for a play-date I was supposed to bring my kids.
@BastardProphet: I don't have many enemies because I'm funny and sweet and they all died in mysterious fires.
@DistractedMomma: Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: There's a real fat one on the other team! Her: "My son's not fat!" How you know I was talking about him? "Cuz he's the.." Fat one? "Ya."