@DaveTheAlbino: I always wanted to be just like Flo Rida. That's why I changed my name to "New Ham Sure"
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@TakeItFromUsPR: Thousands of people are attacked by sea creatures every year. We at BP are dedicated to bringing that number down. You're welcome!
@trevso_electric: Does the S in iPhone 5S stand for "superficial"? "Shallow"? "Slave"? Or "soon to be obsolete"?
@VerbsRProudest: Sorry I'm late. I was standing in front of the cooler staring at names on Coca Cola bottles for 10 mins realizing how many people I dislike.
@dumbbeezie: People almost never do the cute little Pillsbury dough boy noise when you poke them in the stomach. Everything is a lie