@DaveTheAlbino: I always wanted to be just like Flo Rida. That's why I changed my name to "New Ham Sure"
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@jakob_huber: Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
@Manda_like_wine: Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater.
@AimeeHelene1: *goes in fridge; makes sandwich* *grabs beer* *sits on couch; turns on TV* Him: Ma'am, this is an open house Me: I need the full experience
@OBiiieeee: Son, your mom and I have been fighting a lot lately and we have decided that *dad piledrives mom into the coffee table* we're gonna go pro.