@Cunda22: I always wear a wet suit and goggles to the pub so I don't look like an idiot when I wake up on the beach in the morning.
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@LoriLuvsShoes: It's really cute how my 16 slams her bedroom door, in the house that I pay for, every time she gets pissed off. So...I took away the door
@agathagotstoned: If you walk into a room that's empty except for a clown doll sitting in a chair at a tiny table, you're probably about to be murdered.
@KeetPotato: accountant: "youre basically broke" wife: "he keeps spending money on stupid stuff" me: "lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid"
@eddiesteadyno: [Mon] Boss: Let's talk about your clothes Adam: But it's my best leaf B: You need officewear A: Understood [Tues] B: Is that a sticky note?