@thejessbess: I always wear running shoes while driving because you won't know what the terrain will be like until after the cop pulls you over.
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@ojedge: Lambs: "BAAAAAAAAA!!!" Hannibal Lecter: "Shhhhhh!" Lambs: "Baaaa!" Hannibal Lecter: "Shhhh…" Lambs: "…" Hannibal Lecter: "Much better."
@neverknownfacts: Whenever a character in a book praises the cleverness of another character’s idea, it’s really just the author praising their own idea.
@QwertyJones3: "What'd you do this weekend?" I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino?" *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.
@ibid78: [right after my lie detector test] -Make sure that machine shows I've had plenty of the sex "Sir that's not what it does- -I SAID MAKE SURE