@CheryeDavis: I always wink at the local Funeral Director, because he will be the last one to see me naked, and I don't want it to be awkward.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My daughter's school was closed for fog. Back in my day, Godzilla could be destroying the city & the principal would be like "2-hour delay"
@ElKnuckelhombre: My kid said he was gonna jump off the roof using a blanket as a parachute and I was like "That won't work you idiot. Go get my umbrella".
@Donnie_Fairburn: Just installed the iOS 9 update and I've already noticed a significant increase in my phone's battery life! This is aweso