@CheryeDavis: I always wink at the local Funeral Director, because he will be the last one to see me naked, and I don't want it to be awkward.
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@panmidwest: ME: omg I love your accent! Say that again! MY AUSTRALIAN WIFE: You're shallow and selfish. I'm leaving you and taking the kids.
@AbbyHasIssues: An old guy at the gym told me I looked like his late wife. I'm hoping he meant while she was alive.
@weinerdog4life: We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and spiders, and bears, and scientists, and scientists creating spider bears, and science bears
@SuburbanSleuth: My daughter's favorite past-time is implementing psychological warfare on my son. I let it slide because one day he'll have a wife.