@Shock_Monster: I am a master ninja with my ability to hide silently when someone rings my doorbell.
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@envydatropic: Something touched my leg while in the ocean and apparently I can walk on water now
@titusbb: I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don't even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
@SharkJelly: [1hr before date] Me: (to waiter) So when I order the extra spicy chicken you say 'brave choice sir' and then bring the Lemon Herb chicken
@pattioshankable: Think having your kid hear you having sex is the worst? NOPE! Having your kid run into the room with a light saber to save you...MUCH WORSE!