@djdarrellripley: I am absolutely no good at dumping people. I couldn't even bring myself to switch drycleaners until my old one died...
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old thought it was funny to put food in my mouth. It was cute with Skittles. Then she switched to dog food.
@Bollingmargaret: 3 year old daughter: “I want marijuana.” Me: “What did you say?” 3 year old: “Marijuana.” Me: “Huh? I don’t know what you’re asking for.” 3 year old gets remote and turns on Netflix and points to movie. Me: “OOOHHH...Moana!”
@AnOrangeSNES: On the periodic table, the elements are represented by two groups. The symbols and the atomic number. Law and Order: Atomic Mass Unit
@wendchymes: Apparently you can't just drop your ex off at the morgue just cause they are dead to you.