@djdarrellripley: I am absolutely no good at dumping people. I couldn't even bring myself to switch drycleaners until my old one died...
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@lawbsterfest: Better names for porcupines: Needle Beaver Battlepig Hurty Squirrel Flail Monster Cactus Rat Capy-scare-uh Death otter Revenge Possum
@poe927: Her: You should drink in moderation Me: Moderation?You makin words up? H: You're gonna piss on my lawn again aren't you? M: ...In moderation
@haleysfalling: cop: are you high? me: if i was high could i do this? *vaults over car hood and does 360 no scope* cop: did you just say "asterisk vaults ov