@Sleinso: I am at my most drunk when I go from chat room to chat room yelling WHO STOLE MY POPTART!!
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why is there a broom in the driveway?
me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car
@OhNoSheTwitnt: This guy gets it.
@That_Damn_Duck: He who understands women, dies under mysterious circumstances…
@gwatts77: I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant.
Related: I've got some balloons for sale.
@AsgardianRose: Happy one month anniversary to whatever is inside that Tupperware bowl in the back of the fridge!