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@Vodkantots: I am drinker.
Hear me pour.
@TheTumblrPosts: Me: I'm a confident driver
Friend: You almost just ran someone over
Me: Confidently tho
@notfolu: I had to delete Facebook because I liked too many pictures of dogs yesterday and now the newsfeed algorithm thinks I care about those people
@RickAaron: I made an appointment for laser hair removal then remembered that I don't have any laser hair.
@Michabean: My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation.
@badbanana: Yeah, well, I didn't exactly want to be late for work today either but it's not like hot wings can shave themselves out of chest hair.