@crazylikeanox: I am eternally grateful that Twitter doesn't have an "is online now" indicator
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@HeyZeus666: Answer : Mrs.Claus Question : Who was the only person in history that was unhappy when Santa came early?
@noog: [aliens talking] "They call it a sel-fee" A photograph of oneself? "Sometimes several" But why? "We have one theory" Go on "They're idiots"
@HarmonyRambles: Pfft. Of course I know pound town has nothing to do with pound cake. Everyone knows that. *slides fork into back pocket, fights back tears*
@ThePocketJustin: Don't you hate it when you misjudge a moment of silence and lean in for a kiss. Worst police interrogation ever.