@crazylikeanox: I am eternally grateful that Twitter doesn't have an "is online now" indicator
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@KeetPotato: [5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: "everything's a competition to you" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] "no it's not"
@SeanEmeny: My reaction to Kit Kat prices: $1 good deal. $1.25 ok. $1.50 whoa. $1.75 what are we at the OPERA?!
@TheFactsBook: According to U.S. FDA standards, 1 cup of orange juice is allowed to contain 10 fruit fly eggs, but only 2 maggots.
@stewnami: They add a scent to natural gas so we can smell it if there's a leak and we're in danger. Same reason Axe Body Spray has a scent.