@crazylikeanox: I am eternally grateful that Twitter doesn't have an "is online now" indicator
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@Sickayduh: My cat's tongue is like a little piece of sandpaper. I'm scratched to hell but this floor is almost finished.
@envydatropic: I dunno but if I was a "doctor to the stars" I sure wouldn't be bragging about it these days
@dorsalstream: ME: My new contacts are here! WIFE: Don't put them all on at once like you did last— ME: [eyes wide] I CAN SEE YOUR BONES