@Donna_McCoy: I am far too familiar with the bathroom floor to ever be judgemental of anyone else's life decisions.
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@TheMichaelRock: I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news.
@generaldietz: [space station] me: *winks* let's get astronaughty her: seriously? me: honestly, the only reason i became an astronaut was to say that
@jergarl: You're doing really well now please pull into this liquor store do you want anything? -Me as a Drivers Ed teacher