@954LeenO: I am fluent in three languages...english, sarcasm, and profanity
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@AlexRogaski: [On couch, notices it's 6pm] Luckily I don't have to pick up the kids from the Christmas party until 8. *Notices it's February* OH SHIT
@TySmithdrums: I got hit by a car today, guys. Don't worry. I'm okay. It just grazed me, ripped my cargo pants pocket clean off, egg rolls everywhere.
@defdanielle: there are naturally attractive people and then there are people like me who take pictures from good angles with the right lighting
@AwkwardComedy: "Password is incorrect" *resets password* "New password cannot be the same as the old password"