@954LeenO: I am fluent in three languages...english, sarcasm, and profanity
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@iinkedZombie: 5: let's play the quiet game. Me: Okay 5: ready..? Start. Me: 5: Me: 5: whoever talks first is the loser.
@pdxjohnny99: This tweet has been brought to you by... ...Stay Free Maxi-pads... ...When your uterine lining looks like the elevator from The Shining.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old stabbed a stuffed animal with a broken plastic spoon. She learned to fight in prison.