@TheMichaelRock: Me: If I have $45 and your mother has $15, how much money does your mom have? 6yo: $60 Me: That's correct, son.

@hstweetheart: I'LL TAKE TEN OF YOUR FINEST MIDGETS! THEY MUST BE CLEVER CONVERSATIONALISTS & KNOW HOW TO PARTY. ... "...Ma'am, this is a preschool..."

@beermanboobs: Oh, you said floppy DISK. *pulls pants back up* Yeah, I don't know what that is.

@StellaRtwot: Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week

@InternetHippo: For years I’ve been needlessly struggling w/ not having enough money until an internet commenter changed my life by telling me to work hard