@MyHairyLife: I am man. Hear me ask my wife for permission to roar.
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@shanethevein: I'm not intimidated by a pretty woman. I'm intimidated by smart women, who happen to be pretty.
@XplodingUnicorn: Teacher: Fill out the parent form. Me: Why? Teacher: So I can contact you if your kid gets in trouble. Me: *writing* Raised. By. Wolves.
@SexyKitty975: Bro:hey how are you? Me: eh, feeling stabby B: B:I'm afraid if I tell you that's not a real word you'll show me what it means. Me: smart
@SaraThomas84: The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone