@fatherofcomedy: I am not afraid to stand up to my wife when she is not looking.
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@LisaFarted: The last time I twisted the night away it resulted in two law suits and a medicare plan.
@jonnysun: ME: wat if they dont like me MOM: just be urself ME: ok! [comes home early in a masive cloud of bees] ME: WAIT DID U SAY "BEE URSELF" OR "BE
@UNTRESOR: Dad, who's Daniel Day-Lewis? *Dad peers out the blinds* He could be anyone, son. *Mom starts weeping* He could be anyone.