@WowYoureFunny: I am not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
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@bridger_w: I think playing Zelda gave me unrealistic expectations of how much of my neighbors' pottery I can smash
@DebraMuffin: The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can.
@schumyxxx: When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?", I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too?".