@TheTweetOfGod: I am not fake. I am not a parody. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe, you cosmic dipshits.
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@TheTimeIGotHigh: "A cop pulled me over came up to the window and said, i smell marijuana... i said, i smell bacon... yeah i was that high lol"
@LizHackett: ME: My dog's so happy I'm working from home. DOG (to camera): Honestly, a heads up would have been nice. I had shit planned today.
@ericsshadow: [emergency room] DOCTOR: Point to what's causing you the most pain ME: I can't, they're at home playing xbox