@TheTweetOfGod: I am not fake. I am not a parody. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe, you cosmic dipshits.
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@daemonic3: [drinks milk from carton] WHY AREN'T YOU USING A GLASS?!? "I went to the eye doctor" What does that mean? "He said I don't need glasses"
@shanethevein: I'm not intimidated by a pretty woman. I'm intimidated by smart women, who happen to be pretty.
@MsSugar_Kisses: "You should leave your wife..." The secret note I leave on my husband's windshield every morning...