@TheTweetOfGod: I am not fake. I am not a parody. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe, you cosmic dipshits.
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@ohpeetie: You think you understand people and then you see a car with eyelashes on the headlights.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What's the first step of fire safety? 4-year-old: Stay away from dragons. Me: 4: Me: Well, obviously.
@SladeBlue: Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of. Men want to play with the box the kids come out of.
@ibid78: [good cop] admit you stole those diamonds [suspect] wait but I peed on them so now they're mine [dog cop] Jim he has a point