@ninjadinosaur1: I am not paying for a full year membership at the Y when I only need the pool long enough to hold one hamster Viking funeral.
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@FauxFawx: *calls 911* Hey, I found some big guns. *Cops surround the house. I come outside flexing and get shot 263 times.*
@QwertyJones3: Her: You don't have to cook me dinner, we can just go out. Me *tossing a jellyfish in the air like pizza dough* No it's fine I don't mind..
@5hael: Thanks for saying 'on your mobile' in your bio, for a moment I thought you might be tweeting like me, from a calculator in the psych ward
@JermHimselfish: I suffer from a rare condition called OCDC, which forces me to salute all of those who are about to rock.