@JoParkerBear: I am officially lowering my dating standards to include anyone who may have access to a swimming pool. I will learn to love you. Call me.
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@thatstings: *Submits synonymosaur as an alternate word for thesaurus *Waits for Nobel Peace Prize
@DirtMcTurd: If my girl didn't want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn't have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."