@JoParkerBear: I am officially lowering my dating standards to include anyone who may have access to a swimming pool. I will learn to love you. Call me.
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@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower.
@Sarcasmo718: I'd love to see Jason Statham's face when he finds out you can turn down movie roles.
@RocketRankoon: Comcast: "Would you like to upgrade your Internet service to include cable?" Me: "No thanks, the illegal downloading has that base covered."