@aimeevc1970: I am one "Mom!" away from making the 6 o'clock news.
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@OfficeLinebcker: "If I eat my arm, I can't technically gain any weight" - my thought process after only 5 days of dieting. I'm doomed.
@jazmasta: [speaking to a guy who looks nothing like Ed Sheeran] "Hey man, do people ever say you look like Ed Sheeran?" "No" "Didn't think so"
@HatfieldAnne: The Home Depot guy doesn’t care why we’re buying all this quicklime. Be cool. Stop sweating.