@CarpentersCrack: I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
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@foodfacenow: Interview Boss: What could you bring to this company? Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.
@TheAlexNevil: I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
@BoogTweets: Judas: How long are your arms? Jesus: Why? Judas: Like in a cross, how long Jesus: A what? Judas:Across. How long across.