@CarpentersCrack: I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
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@shariv67: I was bitten by a radioactive vegan, and now I have the power to bore people to death.
@brunopieroni: Not to jinx this, but last time there was a highly anticipated London wedding on TV, the groom said Rachel's name instead.
@SamGrittner: If Captain America doesn't have a pizza hidden behind his shield at all times, he isn't fighting for the America I want to live in.
@StymieBrewer: Hey, hey...calm down please. Stop crying. I think all babies are ugly, not just yours.