@mydmac: I am religious. I religiously avoid church.
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@Darlainky: Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.
@sploosk: If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year
@slimmy_shady: I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist.