@chrissyteigen: I am so lazy I thought about looking at the super moon and decided 2033 isn't even that far away
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@SCbchbum: Seriously, if I were a manager at Burger King, my answer to every complaint would be, “You’re at Burger King.”
@Bandersnaaatch: Home is where the heart is, and hopefully it's where all of the other vital organs reside too.
@BlindChow: You hang Up. "No you hang Up." No YOU hang Up. "No YOU hang Up." - couple fighting while hanging Pixar movie posters
@Twtercide: 911: What is your emergency? Me: Fire 911: Riley, is that you? Me:.... 911: Listen carefully, that firefighter asked to be transferred.