@dancefeverbarbi: I am so lazy that when I dropped the soap in the shower, I just sat down & took a bath. That was 2 hours ago. I'm still here.
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@TheLOLYBible: "But Lot's wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt, and Lot was like 'wtf' " Genesis 19:26
@ComedicBust: Sometimes I'll casually say "what else do you want?" on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I'm ordering for more than just me.
@QuintinForbes: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as nice as this time last year.
@neiltyson: Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall -- scale reads zero