@dancefeverbarbi: I am so lazy that when I dropped the soap in the shower, I just sat down & took a bath. That was 2 hours ago. I'm still here.
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@murrman5: [closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* "did you take a knife to a job interview"
@TheBeerGuy73: *smokes fat doobie* *enters hotdog eating contest* *sets Guinness World Record* *gets disqualified for using performance-enhancing drugs*
@BobTheSuit: Job interview with the NSA Applicant: Would you like references? NSA: We have everything we need. App: You guys! NSA: I know, right!