@dancefeverbarbi: I am so lazy that when I dropped the soap in the shower, I just sat down & took a bath. That was 2 hours ago. I'm still here.
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@SvetySveta: Daughter made me a dish: Me, swallowing: Mmm, it's so delicious! And even smells like strawberries! Her: It's because of the shampoo.
@Pro_Jones_: Kids: *jumping on me* WAKE UP Me: I'm woke Kids: How woke? Me: We're putting Harriet Tubman on something that enslaves us all today.
@eddiepepitone: I'm with North Korea when comes to being offended by James Franco and Seth Rogen.