@lucascomedian: I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time.
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@KelgoreTrout: i named my first son "christian" and i named his twin brother "born-again christian"
@ilovepie84: I play Nickelback real loud all day so crickets can listen to something annoying when they try to sleep
@AimeeHelene1: *brings bucket of fried chicken in meeting* *meeting starts* *I eat each piece, crunching, licking my fingers* *touches all the paper work*
@WilliamRodgers: I love when people spend 7 minutes trying to back into a parking space just so they can leave "quicker"