@lucascomedian: I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time.
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@lovemydogduck: I wonder how many calories you burn locking yourself out and having to climb in through a second story window.??
@KKAlThani: My personal trainer told me to listen to my body at the gym so I punched him in the face and went to get some ice cream.
@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.
@UrbanDouchebag: Sometimes it's nice to feel another body pressed up against your own, even if rigor mortis has already set it.