@lucascomedian: I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time.
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@OBiiieeee: Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?...No you hang up first! Hello? 911?
@squirrel74wkgn: I’ve heard the jokes and the laughter as people drove past my house in July, but who’s laughing NOW? *plugs in Xmas lights*
@david8hughes: Wife: morning Me: good morning Wife: my parents are coming over for dinner tonight Me [pouring bleach in my coffee]: uh huh that's great