@KentWGraham: I am the boss of me. And my wife is my boss’s boss.
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@EndhooS: Me: [Eating pizza for breakfast] Gym nerd: [pouring 8 flourescent powders into a gym bottle] I dunno how u can put that shit into your body
@IamEnidColeslaw: HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why don't we run through the parking lot? me [laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me] Because it's dangerous