@krishna_van: I AM THE MAN OF THIS HOUSE AND WHAT I SAY GOES in one ear and out the other.
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@CruisinSoozan: I don't want to alarm anyone but I've purchased a ukulele. Soon as I can jam, there'll be auditions for my band behind the 7-11. NO WEIRDOS
@sarcasm_inc: [interview after losing a fight] "What happened out there?" I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either
@wittwitbarista: *2 days before payday* Me: CLEAR! Teller: I’m telling you that this is unnecessary Me: *places defibrillator onto check* I SAID “CLEAR”!