@nice_mustard: "i am trapped in a loveless marriage help me obi-wan you're my only hope" "use divorce, luke"
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@bobvulfov: COP: careful, this guy's insane DETECTIVE: ok [he walks into the interrogation room] ME: i dont like the creme part of oreos D: jesus christ
@erinmallorylong: I get very stressed out when characters in movies are told a rapid-fire list of things to do and don't write it down.
@KyleMcDowell86: [job interview] "What's your biggest weakness?" "My honesty" "I don't think-" "I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night"
@4handfuls: Him: Well, when life hands you lemons... Narrator: Life only needed him to hold the lemons so it could punch him in the face.