@rohmontgomery: I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this
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@UnFitz: A first kiss so tentative and awkward, you regret all the time you spent practicing on your beagle. Did I just say that out loud?
@AlexvanBeek: Cats that run under your legs display the same genius as someone walking into traffic.
@TheMichaelRock: Why would they add "twerk" to the dictionary? People that would use said word can't read.