@rohmontgomery: I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this
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@awkwardphilippe: [Jedi Academy] Why do you want to be Jedi? [Imagines using 'the force' to steal everyone's cats and building a cat army] To keep the peace
@Just__J0: [Text] 18: This Hotel wants me to pay for Wi-Fi?! Me: You do know someone pays for Wi-Fi at home too, right?
@QwertyJones3: GENE SIMMONS: What is it about me that makes people think I'm gross? "Hygiene" SIMMONS: Hi. Now answer my question.
@StayNobody: What can I get you to drink? "Pepsi" Is Peps- Uh one moment please [In kitchen, to manager] I don't know, he just said Pepsi. What do I do?