@rohmontgomery: I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this
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@deardilettante: [ brings ouija board to your grave ] "Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?"
@yobrah_: I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street.
@EndhooS: Cop: Are you drunk? Me: Could a drunk person do this? *I just piss my pants* Cop: WOW. Yes actually. Me: That was supposed to be a backflip