@goldengateblond: I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
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@philyuck: ME: I'll sleep on it. MATTRESS SALESMAN: Ok. ME: So wrap it up. I'd like to sleep on it tonight. MATTRESS SALESMAN: Oh, you want the... ok.
@Beardson: These people are putting up 'Lost Parrot' signs for the sake of their kids, but you'd think they'd place them higher for other birds to see.