@goldengateblond: I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
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@aecide: Killing mosquitoes by smashing them in mid-air as they fly by is so satisfying until you accidentally hit a person in the head.
@BonaFideIntent: HR: Me: HR: Me: HR: "..16. 16 STAPLES in Diane's forehead..." Me: HR: Me: "..it was the last twizzler" HR: Me: HR: Me: *eats twizzler*
@dragonsorbet: [Confession] "I killed a man" "Wait what" "Lol had to get that off my chest, now why did you come in today, my son?"