@goldengateblond: I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
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@nayele18: Can't afford those fancy water parks, so I just throw cups of water in my kids faces when they least expect it.
@kellysoloduka: ME: I used to lay in the dark and invite spirits to inhabit my body. HER: Did they? ME: [levitates, engulfed in flames] WHAT DO YOU THINK?
@jonnysun: wat abot when ther was only 1 set of footprints "thats when i carried u" wat abot when the fotprints went in the ocean "i tried to drown u"