@Shock_Monster: Her: I'm thinking of a number between 1 an- Me: 69! Her: ...10. Me: Her: Me: 6.9?

@AnkCoupleTO: [Easter] Her: Where should I hide the eggs? Me: Not in your ovaries, I've already found two H: I was referring to our children M: So was I

@samalmightysam: I wanna get on a taxi and after riding around a while without saying anything, tell the driver 'I killed myself on that bridge 2 years ago'

@badbanana: 65 mph wind gusts today. This is why Midwesterners are heavy. Everyone else rolls away like a tumbleweed.

@Bratch_Patch: "Friends are a dime a dozen." *pulls out a sack full of dimes* "Sweet, I'll take 32 dozen friends please."