@markhoppus: i appreciate the song "the boys are back in town" because it answers the age-old question: are the boys back in town y/n?
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@ojedge: Wife: "Did you know that some idiot paid $96,000 for Princess Leia's gold bikini?" Me: [nervously tightening my robe] "Who would do that?"
@bashfulcoward: Girls love it when guys: - are respectful - are handsome - eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun
@MrGeorgeWallace: If a gang attacks U say you're on their side & U brought them "gang supplies". They'll let you go to the car to get the supplies. Drive away
@cepheusjackson: SON: *first word* momma. MOM: DID YOU HEAR THAT? ME: *distracted by the faint song of an ice cream truck* He never comes down our street.