@rachelle_mandik: i ask my toddler what's in the box she's holding. "chaos!" she replies. "chaos! chaos!" i know she's trying to say "crayons," but it's not like she's wrong.
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@CulturedRuffian: What do you mean my cats can't be dependents on my taxes?! I feed them, clothe them, & care for them! CPA: You clothe them? Shut it hater.
@NickMotown: To back up his "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" theory, Newton should've released one simultaneously saying "no it doesn't"
@JohnLyonTweets: Interviewer: It says here you're good at making up words. How often do you find that useful? Me: Contuitively.