@Th3BadGuy__: I asked a girl to kiss me under a mistletoe and she said she wouldn't kiss me under anesthesia.
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@Ygrene: [First date] Her: i'm a criminal lawyer, what do you do? Me: really, well it just so happens that I… (trying to impress her) …am a criminal
@jonnysun: sitting is bad for u, but the standing desk is all wrong. i present to u… *unveils computer hanging from ceiling with a bed underneath it*
@BillyCorben: They just got engaged at a hibachi restaurant -- and the chef wrote their initials in rice!