@mkpaulsen: I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad.
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@randomnloveit: If people are going to judge me they should at least hold up scorecards so I know how I'm doing.
@Vodkantots: It's like my nana always used to say: If you really hate him that much, just marry him and then get fat.
@tastefactory: GUY 1: I beat cancer GUY 2: I backpacked thru Europe GUY 1: So what? GUY 2: And I didn't tell anyone about it when I got back GUY 1: You win
@jwoodham: Dear Diary: Day 1 of being a gang member. Wore a bandana today, but took it off after a woman shouted "you go girl!" from across the street.