@Laddy42: I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don't have any kids...
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@VerifiedDrunk: I set my alarm clock 15 minutes fast because I enjoy doing math problems first thing in the morning,
@kelkulus: My iPhone corrects "WHOA" to "WHOSE", which just made my text response to "I JUST HAD A BABY!!!" a little awkward.
@the_anastasia: It's funny how all those "best places in the world" lists always forget to include the Internet.