@Laddy42: I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don't have any kids...
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@Underchilde: Counting to ten after someone pisses you off gives you time to think of somewhere to bury them.
@50ShadesGran: Suddenly she was on her back, clothes strewn everywhere and her wrists bound to her ankles. She always had trouble hanging out the washing.
@brennadine: "How was the beach? You hang ten or what?" No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation
@MarcusTheToken: I left some acorns in the spot where I killed a squirrel because I'm thoughtful. Also because a gang of squirrels burned a cross in my yard.