@PostCultRev: I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas.
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@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower.
@Bownuggets: Hot Dads in ur Area Are Disappointed in ur Browser History Especially the One ur Watching Right Now With Midgets Dressed Like Dinosaurs
@AbbyHasIssues: The good news is it wasn't a bug. The bad news is I beat the crap out of a black bean on the floor with my shoe.