@PostCultRev: I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas.
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@ItMightBeJimbo: Two seats open. One next to a good looking girl who noticed me as I walked in. The other by a wall outlet. She'll find love in another man.
@JoshVeyssi: McDonalds should have a 3rd window where you can trade in the wrong stuff that they gave you at the 2nd window.
@DanKCharnley: Shake what your momma gave ya! *shakes old decorative wreath* (pine needles and holly berries go everywhere)
@ilovepie84: "When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window"-Birds