@PostCultRev: I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Iwriteforcats: MEN: Developed Theory of Relatively. Walked on the Moon. Painted the Mona Lisa. Baffled by bra hooks.
@juliussharpe: Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?
@duumb: doctor: im afraid u only have a few minutes left to live me: [sobs] oh my god are u sure doctor: [pulls out gun] im totally sure
@Reverend_Scott: Me: Jimi Hendrix? Daughter: Who? Me: Beatles? Daughter: Who? Me: Doors? Daughter: Who? Me: Justin Bieber? Daughter: Hate him. Me: Thank God.