@simoncholland: I asked what I could bring for Thanksgiving this year and my mom said it was up to me so I'm bringing a wireless router.
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@IncrediblyRich: After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.
@ShortSleeveSuit: I put a baby on board sign in the back window of the family van to let people know that my little Johnny is down for whatevs
@Parentpains: She said she was burning with desire, so I threw a bucket of water at her. Dating is bullshit.
@MissNaughty1801: The worst thing about finding out Santa isn't real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents