@simoncholland: I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@chairmanMAO_92: This hot girl asked me to recommend some music so i said Pink Floyd, she said "I didn't know Pink used her last name as well" Now she's dead
@tastefactory: HOUSE: I had dreams but no I'll just stay here & let u live in me, fine whatever WIFE: Did u hear something ME: It's just the house settling
@vanluvz1: Any fountain can be a Fountain of Youth if filled with champagne and you've had 5 glasses.
@KyleMcDowell86: *dog walks into a pet store wearing a fake moustache* "Hello sir or ma'am I would like to lovingly adopt your most delicious cat"