@LizHackett: I assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
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@TheHyyyype: [hs reunion] JANE: i'm an engineer TOM: i'm a real estate developer AMY: i'm a lawyer *everyone looks at me* ME: *panics* i'm a hospital
@eyeswidebutt: if a bear is attacking you play dead and then play resurrection this will cause the bear to either worship u or deny ur existence
@DrakeBell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco"
@TheAlexP: Married men aren't allowed to go the grocery store alone because we're the kid in the shopping cart, but with money