@TheGrimKing: I assume people who don't hate people also don't drive.
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@Headkutter: How to scare burglars off.... First put pictures on the wall of you with a tiger. Second put a cat litter box in your hall and shit in it.
@NatetheEnigma: Nobody expects you to tweet brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
@Annoyinglyhappy: Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you criticize,you are a mile away from them & have their shoes
@QwertyJones3: "What'd you do this weekend?" I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino?" *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.