@Brianhopecomedy: I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service it's because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@badbanana: Immortality would suck. I don't want to spend the next 800 years trying to explain Gangnam Style to my great-grandfather.
@aaronnemo: If I was ever on Jeopardy I would call Trebek the wrong name like I'd never heard of him. "I'll take Beauty Pageants for 400, Jason."
@patnelke: Let my son leave the house today wearing a striped shirt and plaid shorts. I'm done, he's natural selections problem now.
@LoveNLunchmeat: You could murder someone in California and they wouldn't even arrest you as long as you properly composted the body.