@EndhooS: I ate 4 lunch ladies before someone explained that's not what they're for.
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@julietactually: him: [slipping my panties off] why are u wearing 2 pairs of panties me: I'm not him: [sliding another pair off] omg how many are u wearing
@onion_an: Dentist: I'm going to take your tooth out Me: Ok then [later that evening] Dentist: Well this is nice My tooth: I'm having a lovely time
@Elizasoul80: Sometimes I put a vase of flowers outside to let other flowers know that if they try to be prettier than me, I'll cut their legs off too.
@dumbbeezie: If there was a game show where people have to find a phone charger before their phone dies I would win the million dollars